Do You Believe in New Beginnings?
Sundown September 8, 2010 marks a new beginning. Rosh HaShanah or "Head of the Year," is the first day of Tishrei, the 7th month of the Hebrew calendar. This day is the first of the High Holy Days for the Jewish people. The ten days that follow are days of repentance, and conclude with Yom Kippur, the Day of Atonement.
If you believe in new beginnings you must believe in repentance. The only way to start anew is to acknowledge the things of the past, correct the wrongs you have committed, and own up to your state of being. To do this you must repent. I am not talking about superstition or metaphor; I'm talking about devulging the truth within you.
The truth within you is the stuff you know about yourself and some of it is stuff you don't like and you are not proud of. It's mistakes that you have made, but have never come to terms with. It's deeply embedded prejudices that you often suppress because you know they are wrong and hurtful. It's the awareness of the pain that you have caused yourself and others. It's the lies you have told to skirt responsibility for your actions. It's the everything dark within you that is slowly, but surely eating at you and will ultimately bring your demise.
So, do you really believe in new beginnings? Because if you do, you will need to face the worst things about yourself in order to overcome them. You are not alone in this endeavor. No one is exempt from pain, struggle, fear, mistakes, or failure.
Renee's journal on life, G-d and everything in between.
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Thursday, August 12, 2010
"Spinning Out Of Control"
"Spinning Out Of Control"
After much reflection, I've decided that "spinning" is a great metaphor for life. Everyday we spin. The Earth rotates on its axis at 23.5 degrees from vertical in a full rotation within 24 hours. We can't feel it, but we are spinning about 700-900 miles per hour (in the mid-latitudes, that is). If the Earth were to suddenly stop spinning...well, let's just say if you aren't attached to bedrock...draw your own conclusions.
So, we are meant to spin.
We have many clever expressions for spinning. Like, "spinning one's wheels," which is to say we are "wasting time." Or, "spinning babies," which is the clever phrase for standing on one's head to rotate the position of a baby while it's in the womb. I guess this is a changing of our axis of sorts. I can sign up for "spinning classes," which I think is an exercise program on a stationary bike. Where we just sit and spin, going nowhere.
And, then there's "spinning out of control." You can find a lot of song lyrics with this phrase, and in every instance this a pretty bad place to be....spinning out of control, that is. I Googled spinning out of control and every link I found described some grim, treacherous state of being that no one would want to find themselves in.
When I reflect on my life, spinning out of control, comes up a lot. It's when I'm really at my worst. This of course has to do with my overzealous need for control, but seriously there is a natural order to things and when we feel like this natural state has been disrupted, there's really no better way to describe it than to say, "my life is spinning out of control!"
It's a horrible feeling, really. First, there's the exhilaration that comes like being on the merry-go-round...just as the spinning starts and the wind blows in your face. But, then, there's the feeling of weightlessness that starts to tickle in your gut (some people actually like this feeling...sadists!). When the speed picks up and the spinning is so fast that you can't keep your eyes open anymore because it hurts too much to try to focus on the blurred life passing you by, that's when all control is fading. Finally, the pressure that yanks you down (and I think this must have something to with gravity and centrifugal force-all too technical for me) is a demonstration of the strength that spinning has over you. It's like the spinning is saying, "You can't stop me, I'm in charge now!"
When the spinning bout is over, you are left with nothing but dizziness. And, the longer you've been spinning the longer it takes to recover from this whirling sensation. The confusion that ensues, the light-headedness, the fleeting senselessness leaves you feeling out of control. Some react with unconsciousness, the body's way of saying, "time out, overload." Some have to lay down for minutes, hours as the depression of the draining sense of emptiness dissolves. Some try to walk away, crossing one estranged foot over the other and eventually falling to their knees.
How do you react from spinning out of control?
Our living takes on different measures of importance. The spinning happens no mater what because we are meant to spin, but we shouldn't forget that the spinning also serves as a warning. Since the realization of our spinning never really creeps up on us, we should know better when the spinning is about to get out of control.
When my world is Topsy Turvy (spinning out of control), sometimes someone will say to me, "Just let loose." But, clearly this is not the time to ignore the spinning. Letting loose is that state of being that requires alignment. If we let loose when we do not have order in our lives, we are only faking contentment. I guess you could say that letting loose while you are spinning out of control is like the Earth shifting off its axis, and this scenario does not end well.
So, yeah, I'm a little stressed and I'm spinning a little too fast. It's time to breathe and take action. It's time to get the rotation back under control. It's time to take responsibility for myself and what's going on around me, and it's time to ask for help, and it's also time to stop faking, and it's time to say, "enough!"
After much reflection, I've decided that "spinning" is a great metaphor for life. Everyday we spin. The Earth rotates on its axis at 23.5 degrees from vertical in a full rotation within 24 hours. We can't feel it, but we are spinning about 700-900 miles per hour (in the mid-latitudes, that is). If the Earth were to suddenly stop spinning...well, let's just say if you aren't attached to bedrock...draw your own conclusions.
So, we are meant to spin.
We have many clever expressions for spinning. Like, "spinning one's wheels," which is to say we are "wasting time." Or, "spinning babies," which is the clever phrase for standing on one's head to rotate the position of a baby while it's in the womb. I guess this is a changing of our axis of sorts. I can sign up for "spinning classes," which I think is an exercise program on a stationary bike. Where we just sit and spin, going nowhere.
And, then there's "spinning out of control." You can find a lot of song lyrics with this phrase, and in every instance this a pretty bad place to be....spinning out of control, that is. I Googled spinning out of control and every link I found described some grim, treacherous state of being that no one would want to find themselves in.
When I reflect on my life, spinning out of control, comes up a lot. It's when I'm really at my worst. This of course has to do with my overzealous need for control, but seriously there is a natural order to things and when we feel like this natural state has been disrupted, there's really no better way to describe it than to say, "my life is spinning out of control!"
It's a horrible feeling, really. First, there's the exhilaration that comes like being on the merry-go-round...just as the spinning starts and the wind blows in your face. But, then, there's the feeling of weightlessness that starts to tickle in your gut (some people actually like this feeling...sadists!). When the speed picks up and the spinning is so fast that you can't keep your eyes open anymore because it hurts too much to try to focus on the blurred life passing you by, that's when all control is fading. Finally, the pressure that yanks you down (and I think this must have something to with gravity and centrifugal force-all too technical for me) is a demonstration of the strength that spinning has over you. It's like the spinning is saying, "You can't stop me, I'm in charge now!"
When the spinning bout is over, you are left with nothing but dizziness. And, the longer you've been spinning the longer it takes to recover from this whirling sensation. The confusion that ensues, the light-headedness, the fleeting senselessness leaves you feeling out of control. Some react with unconsciousness, the body's way of saying, "time out, overload." Some have to lay down for minutes, hours as the depression of the draining sense of emptiness dissolves. Some try to walk away, crossing one estranged foot over the other and eventually falling to their knees.
How do you react from spinning out of control?
Our living takes on different measures of importance. The spinning happens no mater what because we are meant to spin, but we shouldn't forget that the spinning also serves as a warning. Since the realization of our spinning never really creeps up on us, we should know better when the spinning is about to get out of control.
When my world is Topsy Turvy (spinning out of control), sometimes someone will say to me, "Just let loose." But, clearly this is not the time to ignore the spinning. Letting loose is that state of being that requires alignment. If we let loose when we do not have order in our lives, we are only faking contentment. I guess you could say that letting loose while you are spinning out of control is like the Earth shifting off its axis, and this scenario does not end well.
So, yeah, I'm a little stressed and I'm spinning a little too fast. It's time to breathe and take action. It's time to get the rotation back under control. It's time to take responsibility for myself and what's going on around me, and it's time to ask for help, and it's also time to stop faking, and it's time to say, "enough!"
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
"There's Nothing Left To Lose"
"There's Nothing Left To Lose"
What does it take to let loose? I'm the last person to ask that question, or rather the last person to answer that question. All my life I've been pretty uptight. I guess that's what people would say about me anyway. Well, I'll tell you that deep down I have a pretty carefree side. That side of me longs to be released. I know what it will take to forgo my inhibitions; I know what it will take to feel free, and I'm working on getting there! Sometimes when I hear that phrase, "there's nothing left to lose," I think of someone being at their wits end. I think of desperation. But, it doesn't have to be that way. When we have nothing left to lose is when we are truly free. I really do long for freedom, and I think it's that one thing in life that is worth fighting for. No one really knows me, they just think they do. Someday people will be surprised to see who I really am--someone who really knows she has nothing left to lose.
What does it take to let loose? I'm the last person to ask that question, or rather the last person to answer that question. All my life I've been pretty uptight. I guess that's what people would say about me anyway. Well, I'll tell you that deep down I have a pretty carefree side. That side of me longs to be released. I know what it will take to forgo my inhibitions; I know what it will take to feel free, and I'm working on getting there! Sometimes when I hear that phrase, "there's nothing left to lose," I think of someone being at their wits end. I think of desperation. But, it doesn't have to be that way. When we have nothing left to lose is when we are truly free. I really do long for freedom, and I think it's that one thing in life that is worth fighting for. No one really knows me, they just think they do. Someday people will be surprised to see who I really am--someone who really knows she has nothing left to lose.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)